In Response to "There;s our money, and then there's my money"

In Response to "There's Our Money and Then There's My Money" by Micah Toub from the April 2nd 2009 Globe and Mail http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=72832228374&h=OaSy_&u=ExlEE&ref=nf

Toub's article argues in favor of hidden spending and even hidden bank accounts. I disagree.

(My argument is based on a couple in which both partners are working and does not take in to account the complexities of one partner staying home to care for children.)

I think it's an argument held by the person in the relationship who makes the most money. Whether if husband, the wife, the partner, if you make more, you should get to enjoy it. After all, your hard work earned it.

While I do understand the want, I even go so far as to say need, to enjoy the fruits of your labour, I don't understand the need to lie about it. If someone in the relationship has an problem with a significant gap in income it is their own personal issue and unlikely to be resolved by lying or not lying about disposible income. That issue will ultimately destroy the relationship.

In order for a relationship with an income gap to be successful both parties need to be aware of it, and accepting of it. Agree what's "ours", what needs to be put away in terms of savings (for an emergency, a wedding, a vacation etc) and what's left is yours to do with as you please, and yours to share if you please. Some may even choose to agree on how much to share with their partner who's making less to lessen the inbalance.

If there's a need to lie about your income, a bonus, a raise, then there's a fundamental distrust in the relationship. Anger, resentment and disagreement about a partner's income, or lack there of, is not the condition, it's just the symptom.